Drew.

When you've been dating as long as Drew & I have, nearly eight years, it's pretty common that you've gone through some shit.

I mean eight years, from thirteen to twenty-one is a long time & those years are difficult time for even just a single person.

Think about yourself from thirteen to twenty-one and how you changed and the stupid things you did - I'm sure there were a lot of them. And now imagine trying to be in a relationship for all those years. Imagine trying to pay attention to another person's needs during all those years.

It hasn't been easy, that's for sure. Actually, at times, its been really freakin' hard. We've both tried to figure out ourselves while holding on to each other and frankly, 'aint nothin' about that easy.

But we've done it & I'm proud of that.

And what I'm really proud of is him.

Every single day, I'm excited for the things he's doing. Every day I'm excited for him figuring out where his priorities lie and for making things happen for himself professionally. Every day I'm thankful that he's finally putting me at the top of his priority list & that I finally feel like we're in a mutually beneficial relationship & that we are respectful of each other.

I'll admit, many of the nearly 3,000 days Drew & I have been together were days I questioned whether this one would ever come. I wondered if I would ever see a mature, consistent, responsible, respectful Drew but finally, I'm seeing it & it's so awesome to watch.

I'm so glad I get to be the one to experience this day with him.

Maid of Honor here.

I've been wanting to take a little break from the Blog Every Day in May challenge to talk a little about my trip to North Carolina last weekend & the wedding I was in while I was there, but I didn't really know when a good time would be to do that.

Well, since today's topic is favorite photo, I thought I'd choose today to talk about the wedding.

Obviously we took a lot of pictures last weekend & even though they're not my ALL TIME FAVORITE IN THE WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD, I thought the two topics went well together.

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When my beautiful cousin Morgan got engaged, I hoped she would ask me to be in her wedding but she has a lot of friends so I wasn't certain I would be in it and I certainly didn't think I'd be the Maid of Honor. Imagine my surprise when she asked me to be the one to stand right next to her on her wedding day! I was both thrilled & shocked. Mostly, thrilled though - she's truly one of my best friends & one of the best people I know.

Finally, after almost a year and a half of waiting, Morgan married her best friend, Brian, in her parent's back yard in North Carolina last weekend. It was absolutely perfect. Many people at the wedding were super nostalgic because about 30 years ago, her aunt & uncle got married in his parent's back yard too. I know I already said it but, the ceremony & festivities were perfect and everything a southern weddin' should be.

Morgan's parents, aunts & uncles, friends, brother & she and Brian worked on getting their landscaping perfect from nearly the day they got engaged until the day of the wedding. Five huge gum trees were removed, 50 bails of straw were brought in for around the trees & gazillions of flowers were planted and hand watered. It was quite the feat.

But it was so worth it.

My mom & I flew in to Raleigh on Friday & although we missed the bridal tea (and mimosas) we made it in time for the rehearsal to which Morgan wore her mom's old wedding dress she had shortened & changed a bit. It was a really cool idea.

 The rehearsal dinner was fun, the food was great & everyone told stories about Morgan and Brian that made us all laugh.

All the bridesmaids spent the night at Morgan's parents house that night and hit the ground running at 8 am Saturday morning. I slept with Morgan that night so I was up for good at 7:30 when she finally threw in the towel on sleeping because she was too excited.

The wedding day was so fun.

I loved that Morgan chose to only have family in her wedding party. Since all my cousins live in North or South Carolina, I sometimes feel a bit left out & unconnected, but the whole wedding day was truly a bonding time and I loved it.

Finally, at five o'clock, the ceremony happened & besides the little flower girl stepping through the handle of her basket and moving it all the way over her head, everything went perfectly. (and even that was perfectly hilarious)

In good southern fashion, the reception was at an old, refurbished tobacco barn where people shagged & ate barbecue and drank sweet tea.

Despite coming down with a sinus infection that day, I danced my rear off, holding the little flower girl, Langley, most of the time.

Around nine, Morgan & Brian left the building to head off to the Virgin Islands for their honeymoon and after a little bit of clean up, I fell in bed and didn't get up until the next day around noon.

If there are two things I love, they're love & family. That's right, I love love & I love family. Therefore, I love weddings and I couldn't be more thankful that Morgan asked me to be her Maid of Honor and that I got to be there for her through this whole celebration.

I'm blessed!

We all helped Morgan go to the bathroom one last time before the ceremony. What a funny task.

One of the little flower girls, Marley, & I before the wedding. She was so sweet.

The fiance of Morgan's Brother, Justin, & I. I love Susan so much, I would marry her. Good choice, Justin!

A picture of a picture of Langley & I. Poor baby almost had an asthma attack at the reception but didn't want to miss out on dancing so I toted her around the whole time. I love this pumpkin to pieces.

Anxiety.

Well, I think it's clear I'm not going to be able to achieve the "every day" part of the Blog Every Day in May challenge Jenni has created, but I have been blogging much more this month than I have in months past so I'm proud of that achievement. 

Today, the topic is asking about a lot in life, or a card you've been dealt that makes life more difficult for you. 

You know, I hate to really even write on this topic because who wants to hear about that stuff? Who wants to hear about gloom & doom? And yet, there is a particular thing that does make my life a little more difficult & I take extra measures to make sure I'm not controlled by it. That thing is? Anxiety.

I've talked about my anxiety before and it's been recent but luckily, I foresee my talking about anxiety coming to an end very soon because I just quit the pediatrician & went to an adult doctor who said um, hello, the medicine you're taking for anxiety isn't actually for anxiety. Well, that would have been nice to know.

I vaguely remember telling my roommate a few months ago, this is what anxiety is - the essence of it ... I feel scared but I don't even know what I'm scared of. Yeah, that's what anxiety is. Anxiety is worrying that something might happen when there is no real evidence that it will.

It started with separation anxiety when I was in elementary school.

At the time, my mom was traveling a lot for work and I worried, to the point of making myself sick and crying for days, that she would die in a plane crash and never come back. I worried (I kid you not) that I wouldn't be able to find my hairbrush while she was gone. I worried I would need her help with something and she wouldn't be there to help.

And now the root of my anxiety has changed but it hasn't gone away.

Truthfully, my anxiety has skyrocketed since Drew out-of-the-blue started dating another girl last fall. No, we weren't technically together but I never expected him to just find someone else, leave me so suddenly & not want to come back. I was blindsided. And no, it's not his fault. My anxiety is not Drew's fault, no way, no how. But that situation made it much worse. Through my grandma dying, through my dad leaving & through lots of turmoil from both, Drew was my constant & all of the sudden, that was gone seemingly permanently and without warning. It was one thing I just never, ever expected. 

And so lately, my anxiety has been worse.

 I worry about things like being good enough for him. I worry about being attractive enough and fun enough and low maintenance enough. I worry about him finding someone else, about him getting bored with me & about me being all alone again. (Although, that's anxiety speaking because I know I wouldn't be alone for long & that boyfriend or no boyfriend, I have lots of good friends & family and I'm never truly alone)

Luckily, there are things I can do to help with my anxiety & it doesn't have to control me. I workout a lot - thats a huge help with stress & anxiety. I take medicine (hopefully something that will help now), I have great friends & I'm very self-aware so I know when I need to just take a timeout & breathe. Also, I try to be very honest with myself about things & tell myself when I'm being irrational. So with effort, I can control it.

Nevertheless, anxiety is bothersome & something I would not wish on anyone. Anxiety is the card I would give back to the dealer if I could.

Playing catch up on The Challenge

Last night, my gorgeous cousin and first best friend said I do to the guy of her dreams in her parent's back yard in North Carolina. The reception followed in an old tobacco barn. It was pretty sweet. But since the wedding was in North Carolina which meant a plane trip for us and since I was the MOH, blogging took a back seat last week. I'm ready to jump back on the wagon today, though so let's get this party started, shall we ...

Tuesday - something that scares you

I could have blogged on Tuesday, actually - I had time, but I needed some extra time to think about what scares me. I mean, I could have written about how sometimes at night, I sprint from my car to the house even if it's just in the driveway because I'm afraid of bad guys or I could tell you demons and ghosts are two things I HATE to think about but that all seemed boring so I kept thinking & finally I came up with it ... 

I'm afraid of my future kids being bad. 

I know you're probably thinking "ok, crazy"  but for real, that scares me. I know parenting has so much to do with a child's behavior, so being a good parent is something I think about often too, but what about the kids who by nature are just difficult or mean or lazy? What about the people who kill people whose parents are like, "we did everything we could, he was always just different". That shit's scary. 

Every time I hear of a kid getting arrested for drugs or alcohol or getting kicked out of school for fighting, I'm always asking what their parents are like. Almost every day I think about how I can be a good parent, what that means & how I can add productive citizens to the world in the future.

Luckily, my mom is the best role model for a great parent so I don't have to look far. 

Wednesday - Advice I have to give

I'm not an expert on much, but I guess if I had to give one piece of advice to the masses it would be: Don't ever let someone tell you not to do something if you really want to do it. Of course, I'm saying this about logical, positive endeavors. I just think about all the things I wouldn't have done if I had listened to people telling me not to. The first thing that ones to mind is blogging.

I vaguely remember sitting in Statistics as a senior and one of the boys was making fun of me loudly for blogging. What did I think I had to say?  Who was going to read?

 Well, little did he know, that just lit my fire. I had to keep doing it & doing it well after that. Now, here I am three years later with my blog still running & thanks to this site, I secured a blogging internship for Verizon Wireless this summer. Winning. 

It's kind of like the quote I shared - when someone tells you no, you tell them yes & when someone says you can't, show them that you can.

Thursday - A moment in my day

I could put up a million pictures from Thursday; it was a crazy but good day. I worked at a Daycare & watched nine, yeah ... nine, babies under three on my own. I started at 8:30 and by noon I was ready to start drinking heavily. At one point, all nine were screaming at me for something whether it was to be held or to have milk. yeah.

But the afternoon made up for the crazy morning when Drew & I went to the lake together for the first time this summer. I mean, no other words are really needed, are they?

Friday - Most embarrassing moment 

Well, a really embarrassing thing happened recently but truly, it's too fresh & inappropriate to share so let's talk about the time I had a brand new American Eagle skirt right after Christmas - a skirt I thought I looked so cool in & since it was red (and I was too young to know how stupid I looked) I wore white tights. Well, I had just gone to the bathroom & came out still thinking I was really hot stuff when a guy came up beside me and said, "um ... mam, your skirt ...", and yep, my skirt was tucked into my panty hose in the back. mmmmhmmm. yep. that was pretty embarrassing.

Saturday - Sell yourself in 10 words or less

Oh man this is hard ... ok ... 

smart, driven, logical, down-to-earth, happy, family & puppy lovin' Indiana girl. 

There ya go, not as hard as I thought it would be.

Sunday - Something I miss

You know what? I miss things. I miss my Nan, I miss my family being together, I miss my brother since he's living in L.A. I miss some stuff. But I'm tired of writing and I promised myself I wouldn't write when I didn't want to so I'm going to stop. I'll be back tomorrow with the Monday topic.

Hope you guys are all having a fabulous Mother's Day! 

What I Do

It's day six of Jenni's link-up and also the first day of my summer vacation. 

I was up at 5:45 this morning with bad dreams & it's a rainy, chilly day but I'm not going to let that rain on my parade. (I know, I know I'm so punny) As soon as I write this, I'm off to the gym for a hard workout & then I have tons of putting away to do. Moving home from college is always interesting and by interesting, I mean a real pain in the ass.

But before my workout, let's talk about what I do, the topic for day five ...

Day Six - What I Do 

I've been thinking about what I would write for this for a little bit & I think above all else, I love. That sounds really, really corny but I really think it's true. 

When I started thinking about what I do besides work, I thought of how much I love to do things for people.

I like to give gifts & surprises, to me, are one of the most fun things ever. I do those things often. 

And besides gifts, I like to just do things for people whether it's cleaning the house for my mom, helping neighbors work at their houses or paying for the car behind me in the Starbucks line. 

I'm a helper and a lover & I have a burning desire to make people's days happier.

A Quote & Blogger I Love: Days Four & Five

I love that this Blog Everyday in May linkup Jenni is doing has forced me to sit down, write & rekindle my love for my blog, because truly I do love it. I just haven't really had time for it in about eight months.

Writing for me is therapeutic and fun, kind of like reading a good book. So thanks, Jenni, for doing this. I'm really having fun.

That being said, I'm not going to actually force myself to do it because that would take the fun out of it & although I can be a bit of a perfectionist & a task-oriented person, I'm not going to worry if I don't get to write every single day. Already, yesterday, on day 4, I missed a day & I'm okay with that – I'm just picking it back up today.

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Day Four - My Favorite Quote

Choosing my favorite quote to share with you isn't easy because I've really been into quotes since 8th grade. Eight years of quote loving means there are a lot of them I could share. However, there's one I thought of immediately when I saw this topic so I'll share it ...

I found this quote when I was an 8th grader, oddly enough, and I was in the midst of reaching my weight loss goal.

 I was a very overweight child and lost about 50 lbs. between 7th & 9th grade. When I found this quote, I was starting to really feel good about myself & the things I had accomplished. I was starting to run more than I ever dreamed I could and I made the cheerleading team for the first time that year. 

This was a constant reminder I could do whatever I put my mind to.

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Day Five - Confessing my love for a blogger

I started blogging my senior year of high school and the reason I started was because I liked reading blogs and I thought that in order to keep track of all the blogs I liked to read, I needed to have one. It just so happened I really enjoyed writing too. 

Kind of like the quotes, there have been many bloggers over the years I've really enjoyed but if I have to pick an all time favorite, it definitely has to be Amanda. 

I really don't even remember how we "met" but I think it just had to do with me commenting on her blog & her responding –– that's one thing I like about her, she's so stinkin' sweet. Quickly, we became pretty good internet friends & then in May of last year, I went & stayed at her house for a few days. 

I'll let that sink in for a moment ... I flew way, way away from my house to stay at someone else's house who I had never met. 

It was a great decision.

She was even sweeter & more down to earth in person than I thought she was from reading her blog. Staying at her house was like having a big sister & it was fabulous.

Amanda's blog is mostly about fashion & let me tell you, the girl knows fashion, but it's also about her gem of a husband & her four-year-old twins. And if you read her blog for no other reason? Her twins are two of the cutest, funniest kids I've ever met in my life.

I don't think Amanda will be surprised to know she's my blogger crush. I've made that point pretty clear, obviously.

The final resting place.

We left Granddad in his final resting place yesterday & the twenty-one gun salute was, as always, heart-wrenching. It's just so touching to know these men were there to honor my granddad - something he fought so hard for. And he did fight hard for this. He was in two wars.

We laid him to rest in a beautiful cedar casket next to my grandma and finally, he's at peace.

My uncle & his granddaughter.

 My uncle & my mom.

 My mom & great aunt – my grandpa's oldest sister.

My grandpa's youngest brother & his wife

Last night, after we came home from the funeral and a dinner at church, we all gathered outside around, under a lit umbrella with blankets. We told stories of Granddad & laughed. This is the kind of thing family is for. Our neighbor joined us too, but she's more family than neighbor. 

It's times like this that despite being so sad, we feel so loved & I think we should make it our goal to pass on the good fortune and show our family and friends how loved they are during these times – times that are inevitable yet dreadful.

We love you granddad; we'll see you again someday.