I was a really hilarious little kid. I mean, I don't know if my family thought I was hilarious but I certainly think I was.
Things haven't changed much ... I still think I'm hilarious.
But I couldn't just say I was hilarious without giving you a few little examples.
So here we go ....
1. I had an imaginary friend. Yeah. I had an imaginary friend named Alice. I'm pretty sure it was Alice because it's close to Ali and that's all I could think of. But anyway, she had to do everything with us. everything. She had to be buckled in the car, had to have a place at the dinner table, had to do activities with us. She was pretty demanding. One day, my mom got tired of me always making requests for Alice so she hit her with a rolling pin. Yeah. Who.Does.That? Naturally, I freaked the eff out & she ended up having to give Alice CPR. Thankfully, Alice was resuscitated & made it out alive.
2. I stuffed sand in my bathing suit to avoid having to go inside at the beach. I liked the beach. a lot. When we were there, my mom always put me in a Landsend bathing suit with built-in floaties. Well, when I knew it was almost time to go in, I'd go to work stuffing sand in any place I could find. Why? because I knew that if there was sand all in my suit, my mom would have to hose me down outside & I'd get to stay out longer. Trust me, there were a lot of places to stuff sand. It worked every time - took a good 10 minutes to get it all out. Genius.
3. I told my 1st grade teacher my mom was pregnant ... so when my mom came to pick me up, the teacher congratulated her. Only, she wasn't pregnant. What? I just really wanted a little sibling. Never got one. Still mad about it.
4. I took a book to the neighbor we had never met and asked him to read it to me because my mom asked me to wait a bit. Two year old me really wanted to have a story read to her. Well, my mom was cleaning the house & asked me to wait a few minutes. All of the sudden, she couldn't find me & started panicking. Finally, she found me a couple doors down on the front porch of a man we had never met & who my mom thought was very unfriendly. He was reading me the book & laughed it off. Now? He's like my grandpa and I have a key to his pool to use anytime I want.
Don't you think?
Don't you think I still am?