Thursday, February 24, 2011

The one where I admit that I have a problem

I haven't told anyone about this besides Drew & Jessie because in all honesty, I'm embarrassed by it. But, I also think it's pretty funny & I think it will totally freak you out too make you laugh so here it goes.

I wrote last week about Milo who I've recently started babysitting & how Milo has a newborn brother, Oliver. Do you remember? Well I'm blaming all of this ridiculousness on Oliver. Sure he's only 2 months old, but that's the issue. He's so cuddly and adorable and sweet, it makes my ovaries hurt.

I guess we could also blame some of it on the fact that I started playing with baby dolls when I was still a baby myself and didn't stop until I was nearly a teen. I kinda wish my mom would've listened when my dad told her I was too old to get the baby doll I asked for at Christmas when I was 11. 

Anyway, a few weeks ago I had a very vivid dream about this baby I had. He had lots of brown hair & one of those pacifiers in his mouth that are green & round & the hospital gives newborns. I woke up in a panic. How will I ever be a mom? How will I make sure that my kid uses their manners, is nice to other kids, is an upstanding citizen and everything else every mom wants for their kid? I laid there thinking about it for a long time. I even posted about it on Facebook. 

Things kind of calmed down after that night but only until we went to Disney World, where there are cute babies, toddlers, & children every where you look. Drew even asked me if I was still taking my birth control. For the love of all that is holy. I would NEVER stop taking it, are you kidding? But I can see why he would wonder. I pointed out every single cute kid. every. single. one. 

I've been desperately trying to make these thoughts go away, but last night was when I realized I really had a problem.

I was on the treadmill telling myself that I have to stop thinking all of these domestic thoughts. I'm only 19, I have a long life to live, this is ridiculous. And then the next thought I had? Someone farted & it smells like baby formula. 


Now before you go reporting me, or stop following, know that I am not crazy. I love babies and children and all of the sudden I love them a scary amount even more. Never in a hundred million years would I take the necessary steps to make bringing a child of my own into the world possible, not for a long time. 

I'll just avoid babies and farts that smell like baby formula for now.



Megan said...

Ali! You are amazing for several reasons, but I'll just point out 2 really quickly:

First off, this blog post made me laugh out loud. Seriously. You write beautifully and you really have a knack for witty/clever phrasing. I love it!

And secondly, I AM TOTALLY THE SAME WAY. I have always loved kids, especially babies. But these past few weeks, I have been wanting one of my own. Severely. I don't know where this yearning came from, but it's there, and it's persistent.

I'm with you on acknowledging that I'm only 20 years old, with my whole future ahead of me- for goodness sakes, I'm currently SINGLE haha. So obviously I will NOT be having children any time soon.

But I have been wanting a precious little baby of my own even moreso than usual lately. Maybe it's something in the Indiana air.

Kenli said...

You are not alone girlfriend! I've been around little kids since I was ten. I'm sure you can gather that by looking at my blog. My little brothers and baby cousins make me ache for a child, but Lord knows that can't happen right now. Clearly I'm already stressed enough as it is. . . but when I go to bed thinking that maybe if I had a little baby around to keep my mind off of things and keep me company - whoa nelly. . . freaks me out a little bit. I mean. . . A LOT bit. I always think people are going to assume I'm a baby freak, but I'm not, I swear! I don't even want more than 2 kids, which is insane because I want to hoard all the little babies in my family for a weekend and just cuddle up with them.

Okay, I've got to stop before I creep us all out.

Caitlin said...

You are so NOT alone sister!
19 and newly single, and I'm worried about never getting married which you know, means never having those adorable babies!! Ahhhhh! Ha! But no, seriously, you definitely aren't the only girl out there that dreams of all things domestic and longs for those days. But of course, we are smarter than that and continue to take our BC! So glad you posted this!

Heather said...

This was an awesome post. It's so true. I am just the same as you! I can hardly spend a few minutes with my nieces and nephew before I am pining away for my own. But I am just like you...I have many years to wait. *sigh*