Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Balance.

Tonight, I'm deciding that as the 18 year old girl I am, where I am in life, the hardest thing to grasp is Balance.

Throughout my entire life, I have had to deal with things that should've been way over my head at my age. First, it was my alcoholic dad. "Where is daddy?", "Why isn't daddy home for dinner?" and my mom who was wondering the same thing & 100% frustrated would say, I don't know, why don't you call him. That was when I was really little. Around 8, I learned about the "bars" & his lying. When he lost his job, I learned about dealing with going from being comfortable, to having to be extremely frugal & even borrow money from family. Later, I had to see my dad go to jail for a DUI & then eventually, my parents divorce.

So, because of all of these things, & because of having a mom who raised me to be very cautious of other peoples feelings, to be overly responsible & caring, Im just that: overly mature & responsible. I worry about things that most 18 year olds would never dream of worrying about.

But at the same time, then, there are nights like tonight where I'm so pissed at myself for being overly caring & responsible & wish I could be that crazy, doesntgiveashitaboutanything, 18 year old bimbo.

Here's my question, How should I go about finding balance between still being lady like & responsible, but at the same time, not losing self & doing those "right of passage" things that make this the summer of 18??

I guess this is just the day of needing advice.

1 comment:

Megs said...

Balance is a difficult concept for anyone to grasp because it requires a lot of prioritizing. You have to learn to recognize which issues in life demand how much of your attention, and at which times you should focus your attention on those issues... If it sounds confusing that's because it IS confusing. It's one of those "easier said than done" things that isn't going to happen overnight. But what you CAN do right away, while in the process of sorting out which things you're justified in worrying over and which things you can leave be, is set aside some extra YOU time a few times a week. Take an evening off and don't let yourself think about all of your stressors and responsibilities. Just totally veg out: read a book, watch a movie, pray, take a long bubble bath... and don't allow yourself to think of anything except unwinding. It's not a cure-all but hopefully it will help you relax and not feel like there's so much riding on your shoulders all the time. :)