Friday, May 31, 2013

Just let it go.

I have kind of a hard time "just letting things go".  I guess this is really stereotypical of me but I really do think it's a girl thing. I mean girls feel when they feel and I think that's part of the reason letting go is so hard.

When I've had plans with a friend for a week & last minute, she decides she can't go to dinner? I'm sad. When someone says something to me that kinda hits me in the gut? it hits me in the gut hard.

But not being able to let go is such a bad, bad habit.

It's bad for other people but mostly, it's bad for me. You know what they say, hating someone is like swallowing poison and expecting the other p'serson to die. Well, sometimes the things I can't let go of aren't even just not liking someone but like I said, it could be just something someone said to me or even ... even a look they gave me.

There's one thing in particular ... one instance ... one part of my life I just can't seem to let go of. I'm holding on so tightly, I can tell you exactly how I felt when one thing or another happened and even, most likely, where I was at. It's bad. I'm holding on tight.

And it's only hurting me. It's hurting the way I feel about myself in some instances, it's hurting the trust I have in others and worst of all, sometimes, it's hurting my relationship which is otherwise really fabulous.

So it's time. I have to get rid of it. I have to tell these thoughts, these demons to go away.

But how?

How do I let go of something that hurt me so deep? How do I let something scar over and stop being a gaping wound?


1 comment:

Amanda said...

I am bad about this too. I have a hard time not getting the last word in. I am married now, but before I met my Husband I was in a 3 year relationship with someone who REALLY did me in/over/bad in so many ways. I finally got real with myself and split up with him, but after a week, he just stopped talking to me and actually we didn't speak for almost 2 years and the whole time, daily.. I'd ask myself "why wasn't I good enough? Why did he cheat so much? Why did he lie to me? Do I even know who he really was? Was I a game to him? Did he even love me? Etc.. and it really affected me in so many ways. He randomly called me one day right before I was about to get married and apologized and made peace for me at least and spologized for the hateful things he said when we last spoke that kept my head spinning for 2 years. It felt good. Never since that day have we talked again, but it really did a number on me. I totally understand! and.. I do think it's a girl thing. Definitely.