It's the little things

that remind me of her.

Three years ago in August, one of my best friends in the whole world, my Nana, passed away.

She was the sweetest little British lady you could ever meet in your life & we were best friends.

I spent the night with her often when I was little only to wake up to mickey mouse shaped pancakes & bacon. She always had a healthy supply of cookies, crayons, stickers & paper for me. Her house was my favorite place in the world.

In March of 2007, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I couldn't believe it. Not my Nana who I had dreamed of being at my wedding & holding my babies. Not my Nana who was 78 & still trimming her shrubs every other day in the summer. Not my Nana who's house became a real life gingerbread house every christmas. Not my Nana.

Well it was true. And, Despite the fact that my uncle was the head of Anesthesiologists for the United States & knew all of the best Oncologists, the cancer spread throughout her body. Despite her requests to go through chemo therapy so that she could at least see me graduate, she didn't make it & she passed away peacefully August 5th 2007.

And while we were so lucky to be able to have her at home throughout her cancer, to have her less than a mile away & for her to keep that lovely since of humor of hers until the end, it still, to this day rocks me to the core when I really think about it: she's gone.

Today, I was at the nursing home visiting my Granddad (on the other side) and a lady who was sitting at his table for lunch took a bite of pie and said to her friend, "mmm, it's so good. Just like you would've made it if you were home." In effort to make conversation I asked her if she had baked a lot when she was at home. She winked and said yes. Without thinking I said, "yeah, my grandma used to always have a cookie jar full of cookies for me." Naturally she asked who my grandma is and I said, "well, she passed away a few years ago." Passed away.

So, it's been three years & it's still hard for me to imagine that she's gone. I guess it's a good thing because I don't really dwell on it but sometimes little things remind me of her & then I remember that I don't have her anymore.

I know full well though, how lucky I was to have such an amazing, classy, beautiful & sweet grandma, and to be able to have spent so much time with her. No one can ever take away my memories of her either. I'll have those forever & I'll cling to them until one day, I'll see her again & we will sit for days and days around the kitchen table with warm tea & cookies; just catching up.