Wednesday, June 27, 2012

It's not always okay.

Being a friend is not always easy. Granted, it should be more easy than it should be hard but being a good friend means being there even when everything isn't rainbows and butterflies (stolen from Maroon five) ... it means being there when it's not shopping and a cupcake date. Being a good friend means being there when she doesn't get the job she wanted or when she finds out her sister has cancer.

I've said it a few times lately but things just haven't been really easy around here this summer. And in the time when I've really needed my friends, I've kind of come to realize what it takes to be a good friend and the things I want to do when my friends are in the situations I was in.

So, I wanted to share this little idea because I really don't think it's common sense ....

It's not always okay.

Let me explain ... of course, we never want to see our friends struggling and we always want to make it better. That's natural. We love them. So what do we usually do when we have a friend who's going through a hard time? We say things to them like, "God has a plan" and "You will get through this".

I've said all those things plenty of times. In fact, I said one of those things to one of my friends today. I always think I'm helping. I want them to be okay. I want to be positive for them.

But you know what? On one of the darkest days of my life (and no, it wasn't when Drew & I broke up) I was so tired of hearing those things.

I'm sorry, but you can know all day that God has a plan or that you'll get through it, but that doesn't make things suck any less.

And you know what the most healing thing ever was? When I got on the phone with my cousin, one of my best ever friends, and she cried with me.

It was so healing to know that someone else understood how sad my situation was. It wasn't that she was pittying me, it was that she understood that what I was going through wasn't fair and that it really sucked.

I needed that.

I had heard that things would be okay a million times but not one of those times made me feel as much better as someone aknowledging my pain and validating it, did.

So remember this next time one of your friends goes through something really hard.

I'm not saying you need to be Debby Downer - you don't. I'm not saying you should say I know your situation is bad, listen to miiinnneeee - because you shouldn't.

But just saying that you know things are awful and it's okay to be sad or mad about it - and better yet that you're sad and mad for your friend - is so, so healing.

Disclaimer: I'm feeling much much better now but a friend is going through some tough stuff right now and it made me think to write this.

1 comment:

The Cavallaro's said...

I totally agree! In that moment, hearing "everything is going to be okay" does't help you hurt any less! Sometimes all you need is to let it all out and have a good cry!